0202: Digital (Dis)Connection

ATTACHMENT IN THE AGE OF SCREENS
WITH JEREMY EDGE, LPC-S, IGDC

Eden:
This is Inside Out. Hey everyone, I’m Eden Hyder, a licensed therapist, psychology teacher, and proud mother of two. I’m here to help us all press pause so we can re-engage with life and what matters most: ourselves, our relationships, and our kids. From the inside out.

For more on relationships, parenting, and mental health between episodes, follow me on Instagram or visit edenhyder.com.

Welcome to Season Two. This season, I’m sharing a series of insightful conversations with professionals across different fields, exploring how attachment themes show up in various areas of life. In today’s episode, I talk with certified gaming disorder therapist Jeremy Edge about the impact of screen use—how we connect and disconnect in an increasingly tech-infused world.

We’ll also unpack what healthy balance looks like, both for us as adults and for our kids. Let’s jump in.

Eden:
Welcome, Jeremy. It’s exciting to have you on the Inside Out Podcast. How are you?

Jeremy:
I’m good. Thank you for having me.

Eden:
Yeah! So I reached out to you because I’ve been thinking about this topic—our attachment to screens—for a long time. And I thought of you because I’ve been tracking your work and offerings for a while now. It’s such a growing need. So introduce yourself to our audience—what are you up to these days?

Jeremy:
Sure, thanks Eden. I’m a licensed professional counselor based in Dallas. I work with individuals, families, and parents who are struggling with screen use issues—things like gaming, social media, pornography, and even gambling. Basically, when screen use is causing problems, like distractions at school or work.

I work with teens 13 and up, and a lot of young adults—especially those in that launching phase, like in their twenties. I also have another clinician on my team who brings over 30 years of experience as a minister, which really complements our work, especially when we’re supporting clients who benefit from an abstinence-based model.

We offer a couple of programs, but at the core, we’re a counseling practice.

Eden:
Very cool. And I definitely want you to talk about the Escape the Dotcom experience a bit later. I loved seeing the photos and was so excited when I saw that pop up.

But before we get there—you already started to answer this, but could you clarify for us what you mean by "screens" and “internet addiction”? What falls under that umbrella?

Jeremy:
Yeah, great question. So when I say “screen addiction,” I’m usually referring to a specific type of online activity. For example, gaming disorder is now a recognized diagnosis—it was added to the ICD-11 in January 2022. Gambling disorder has been recognized for a while.

Now, things like social media and pornography—those aren’t formally diagnosed in the DSM or ICD as screen addictions, but they share many traits with gaming disorder. Same with sex addiction and porn addiction; they’re often linked in how they present.

So when I say "screen addiction," I mean overuse of specific activities like gaming, social media, or pornography. But it can also include things like endlessly scrolling or binge-watching videos on loop.

Eden:
I love that you added that last part—because when I think of internet addiction, I picture those big categories. But I remember hearing you talk in a podcast once about how even email use can have that addictive quality. Like the compulsive checking of emails—that felt very relatable for those of us who might not identify with addiction per se, but still feel the pull.

Jeremy:
Totally. There's a similar mechanism at play—it's the unpredictability that hooks us. It’s like a slot machine. You don’t know when that really important or exciting email is going to hit, but when it does, it feels great. Same thing happens with social media—we’re checking to see who liked our post or left a comment. Sometimes we get that reward, sometimes we don’t.

Eden:
Before we jump into all the negative impacts, I want to ask if you've seen any positives with screen use?

Jeremy:
Yes—and I think it’s important to acknowledge that. I always try to frame it in terms of balance. Like food, we can’t go cold turkey with screens—we need them, but how and how much we consume really matters.

Screens have been amazing for connection, especially during the pandemic. Like right now, you and I are in different states, but we’re connecting meaningfully. Social media, Discord, other platforms—they can really help people build relationships.

And then there’s entertainment, professional tools, and even just fun. Screens can enhance our lives in a lot of ways. They’re not inherently bad.

Eden:
I’ve had clients say that too. One woman talked about how completing a video game made her feel competent and confident, and that spilled over into her social and professional life in really meaningful ways. It helped her take risks she wouldn’t have taken otherwise.

Jeremy:
Absolutely. When someone is excelling in a game, we try to unpack why—what’s driving that engagement? For some, it’s about mastery. If they’re not succeeding academically or socially, they may turn to games where they can succeed.

A lot of teen boys, for instance, don’t feel confident in school—but put them in a competitive game and they shine. It’s human nature to seek mastery somewhere. And for many, that somewhere is online.

Eden:
That really connects to what I wanted to ask next. The show’s called Inside Out because I like to explore what’s happening internally—not just behavior, but emotional and relational layers too. So what’s going on inside when someone is spending large amounts of time online? What are they trying to meet, emotionally or psychologically?

Jeremy:
That’s a deep one. A lot of times it’s about coping. If someone has trauma, broken relationships, or low self-worth, the online world can be a way to escape.

People also use screens to explore different versions of themselves. If someone doesn’t feel confident in their physical self, they might create an avatar that’s strong, powerful, idealized—what they wish they could be.

Eden:
So in your work, part of the treatment must involve helping clients figure out what they’re really seeking beneath the surface behavior.

Jeremy:
Exactly. Especially with teens—it’s sometimes just unstructured time and lack of boundaries. But deeper down, it could be a coping strategy for stress or loneliness.

During the pandemic, a lot of people just got into the habit of being online. And coming back to in-person life—especially for teens—can feel really intimidating. That’s a big part of what I’m seeing now.

Eden:
Yeah, and speaking of vulnerability—I'll say for myself, I felt socially strong before the pandemic. But afterward, I definitely noticed anxiety in new social situations. Like, “Did I talk too much? Too little? Did I make a weird face?” All this self-conscious chatter that didn’t used to be there.

Jeremy:
You're not alone. I've felt that too. And I think the pandemic really reduced the amount of practice we all had in those everyday social situations. So even for people who felt secure before, there was a regression in that area.

Eden:
Right. And I think a lot of people defaulted to checking out through screens when those attachment needs weren’t being met—whether it was boredom, isolation, or lack of connection.

Jeremy:
Definitely. I’ve heard a lot of teens say things like, “It’s too scary to hang out in person. I don’t know what to say.” They’ve lost those basic social skills. It’s not just that they don’t want to—they feel incapable, so they stay online, where they feel safer.

Eden:
Yeah, and that really connects to something I’ve explored before—how those early attachment relationships help kids develop that sense of self and relational competency. Like, having an attuned caregiver teaches you: I can connect, I can be connected to, I have needs and they matter. That becomes a kind of blueprint.

So during the pandemic, when so many of those real-life relationships shifted online, it makes sense that even someone with a secure attachment style could start slipping into more insecure patterns—maybe avoidant or anxious behaviors.

Jeremy:
I think so, yeah. I mean, I’m not an expert on attachment styles in the way you are, but I’ve definitely seen an increase in avoidant tendencies—people saying, “I’m just not going to engage anymore. It’s easier to be online.”

And then on the flip side, like you said, there’s that anxious experience too—where people are engaging but with a lot of social fear and self-doubt about how they’re coming across.

Eden:
Right. So just to clarify for listeners, there’s secure attachment, and then three types of insecure attachment: anxious-ambivalent, avoidant-dismissive, and disorganized.

I’m curious—are you familiar with some of those dynamics? Especially the avoidant and the anxious patterns?

Jeremy:
Yeah, I’m familiar with the anxious and avoidant ones—maybe not as much the term “ambivalent,” but I understand the basic dynamics.

Eden:
Perfect. So I was thinking about how these attachment styles might influence screen use. For someone with more avoidant tendencies, I imagine they’d be drawn to screens because it gives them a sense of control. They can build their own worlds, engage without being vulnerable.

Whereas someone with anxious attachment might lean toward social media—seeking connection, affirmation, validation—but in a way that can also intensify their insecurity.

Jeremy:
Yes, totally. I think you’re spot on. That avoidant style often shows up as independence online—especially in things like gaming. You don’t have to take real-life social risks. It’s a controlled environment.

And then with anxious users, yeah—social media becomes this feedback loop of validation. But it’s tricky, because a lot of the content is image-based. And that can actually worsen self-esteem over time.

Eden:
Yes, especially for teens. I’ve had clients say things like, “If I post something, it has to be perfect, or it has to be about something extreme, like suffering or tragedy—otherwise no one responds.” It’s like you have to be dying or perfect to get attention.

Jeremy:
Yeah, I’ve heard that too. And that plays into the culture of extremes online. The most rewarded content is often either really intense or really highly produced. That’s what keeps attention.

So people end up comparing themselves—“My post only got 12 likes, but hers got 200”—and their self-worth becomes tied to numbers, not connection.

Eden:
Exactly. And then we lose the nuance. We lose the relational back-and-forth. In real life, someone might say, “You look nice today,” and you see their smile, you feel their tone. Online, it’s “Cute skirt” in a comment box—totally decontextualized.

Jeremy:
Right. In-person connection has all this richness—tone of voice, facial expression, the opportunity to repair a moment if something goes sideways. Online, it’s a one-way broadcast. You put something out, and you hope someone responds.

But even if they do, it’s not always real connection. It’s dopamine without depth.

Eden:
That’s such a good way to put it—“dopamine without depth.” That makes me think of a client of mine—a teen—who described posting as a gamble. Like, “Maybe I’ll get a rush of likes, maybe nothing. But either way, it’s exhausting.”

Jeremy:
Exactly. And that’s why I compare it to a slot machine. Social media and email and even YouTube use that same variable reward system—sometimes you get a big hit, sometimes you don’t. But it keeps you coming back.

Eden:
Yeah, and I think especially with younger users who are still forming their sense of self, that can be really destabilizing. They’re learning who they are based on reactions from strangers on the internet.

Jeremy:
Yes. And when you factor in how fast-paced and stimulating online content is—especially on platforms like TikTok—it trains the brain for constant novelty. That’s not how real-life interaction works. So when kids go offline, they struggle to tolerate slower, less stimulating environments.

Eden:
Right. Even as a parent, I’ve noticed that with my kids. If they’re watching something super fast-paced and chaotic—like Captain Underpants—I feel overstimulated just listening to it. Shows like Octonauts or Daniel Tiger have a calmer pace, and I can feel the difference in their regulation after watching.

Jeremy:
Totally. There’s some research around that—how fast-paced media can contribute to difficulties with attention or impulse control. It’s not that we can never watch those shows, but if it’s constant, it trains the brain to expect that level of stimulation all the time.

Eden:
Yeah. And it makes it harder for them to slow down and be present in the real world.

We’ll get into parenting and regulation in a bit, but I love this idea that we can start by just noticing how screen content affects our own nervous systems too—like, what happens in us as we watch with our kids?

Jeremy:
Exactly. That co-regulation piece is big. And even asking kids, “What did you like about that episode?” or “What was happening in that scene?” can help bring it into awareness. It’s not just visual stimulation—it becomes something we can reflect on together.

Eden:
Yeah, well, and that makes me think about—right, like, I’m guilty of this—using the screen as a babysitter. So what happens to a kiddo or a teen whose primary or secondary “parent” becomes a screen? Like, the parent checks out while the kid is on the screen. That’s not really connection. What do you see happening there?

Jeremy:
I think screens can be a tool. So, if we need to have the device on—like during travel, or while cooking dinner, or just to keep a kid entertained for a bit—that’s okay. But if that becomes the norm, that’s probably not best.

Ideally, we use screens to connect. Maybe it’s watching a movie together on a Friday night. If a kid’s time at home is mostly spent on screens without any real interaction, then we’re missing an opportunity. We want most interactions to be face-to-face—playing together, talking, being outside. A mix is great.

And I get it—it's natural for parents to be on their phones. But if we can put those down and really connect, even through simple play or just narrating what they’re doing while they play, that can be powerful. It doesn't have to be complicated.

Jeremy (cont’d):
Personally, I cook dinner and let my kids watch TV during that time. It’s practical. But if that’s all they do, that’s where the boundary needs to come in.

Eden:
Yeah. And do younger kids process screen use differently than teens or adults? Like, does it impact their brain development in a unique way?

Jeremy:
I don’t know all the specific research, but I do know that younger brains are more malleable—more impacted by what they’re repeatedly exposed to. For teens, the stimulation of fast-paced games or even pornography can feel more intense than it would for adults.

And with younger kids, the idea of neuroplasticity comes in—if they’re constantly watching content that moves quickly or switches scenes rapidly, their brain wires itself for that pace. Then it becomes hard for them to engage in slower tasks, like reading or having a conversation for 30 minutes.

Also, if they’re watching content that’s aggressive or violent, they might act some of that out in real life.

Eden:
Yeah, I really appreciate how you bring it back to neuroplasticity. It’s a helpful frame. I’ve noticed that when my kids get dysregulated, one of the first things they say is, “Can I watch something?”

And honestly, the easy answer is yes.

Jeremy:
Yeah, for sure.

Eden:
But if that becomes the go-to every time they have a big emotion—if screen time becomes the coping tool—we’re building a habit. A pattern that says, “When I feel overwhelmed, I disconnect from my body and feelings and check out.”

Jeremy:
Exactly. And I’m a big fan of offering space—like, “Take a break if you need to. Go to your room, yell into a pillow, take a walk.” But it’s about giving kids a range of coping strategies.

If the only option is watching a show or playing a game, then we’re setting them up to be dependent on that one tool for regulation.

Jeremy (cont’d):
With my kids—six and three—we’ve tried something simple. When it’s time to stop watching, one kid gets to pause the show and the other turns off the TV. That way it’s not just me flipping it off suddenly. It gives them a little bit of ownership in the transition.

Eden:
I love that. I’ve thought about that exact thing—because when I walk into the room and they’re mid-episode and I just shut it down, I’m like, “Man, that’s kind of harsh.” If someone did that to me while I was in the middle of a great show, I’d be upset too.

And sometimes when they’re like, “Wait, wait! This part’s important!” I’m trying to have more compassion. They’re just trying to finish a storyline.

Jeremy:
Right. If you can end on a natural break—like the end of a song or scene—it makes the transition smoother. And with games, especially live ones like Minecraft or Roblox, they can’t just pause. It’s like being in a live basketball game.

So if time allows, letting them wrap up their “match” helps. But yes, you still need firm boundaries. Like, “You’ve got 10 minutes to finish this round, and then we’re done.” Not, “Five more minutes” that turns into thirty.

Eden:
So offering some flexibility, but with structure.

Jeremy:
Exactly. Especially with older kids—some matches can last 20 to 30 minutes. That’s where clarity and expectation come in.

Eden:
Okay, here’s something I’ve definitely heard from clients—and even from my own kids:
“But my mom’s always on her phone.”
“My dad’s always working.”
Like, “You’re telling me to get off my device, but you’re glued to yours.”
How do you respond to that?

Jeremy:
It’s tough—but fair. As parents, we have to model what a healthy relationship with screens looks like. And that doesn’t mean no screens—it just means balance.

We need to be on devices for work, for communication, for decompressing. That’s valid. But kids reflect what they see. So if they’re calling it out, it might be a cue to check in with ourselves and maybe make some adjustments.

Jeremy (cont’d):
And I get it—it’s hard. We want to provide, we want to catch up on work, and screens make that possible. But it’s easy to lose sight of boundaries.

Eden:
Yes. And when I’ve tried to shift away from having my phone on me all the time, I get people saying, “You didn’t get the text?” And I’m like, “Nope, I didn’t—I’m trying not to be on my phone.”

Or my kids will say, “Look it up!” and I’ll say, “I don’t have my phone on me.” And it’s a little clunky. It’s not always smooth.

Jeremy:
Yeah, totally. And again, screens can also be a way to connect. If you’re reading a news article, maybe you say, “Hey, check this out,” and share it with your kid. Or, “Dad just texted—want to see what he said?”

It’s about whether the screen is becoming a wall or a window. Is it shutting people out, or inviting them in?

Eden:
I love that—a wall or a window. That’s going on a sticky note next to my laptop.

Jeremy:
Haha, yeah. Because screens can be relational if we use them that way. Most of the time, though, they’re an individual sport. But if we can make them a we thing—it changes everything.

Eden:
That reminds me—so, we haven’t had a TV in our home for a while. Not for philosophical reasons necessarily. Just kind of laziness or lifestyle preference.

But what I noticed is, when we do watch something, it’s on a phone or laptop—individually. And as someone who’s worn glasses since I was three, I’m like, “What is this doing to their eyes?”

So recently, we got a projector. And that changed the vibe. It became this shared experience again.

Jeremy:
That’s awesome. Projectors are so fun, and they’re great for making it communal. That big-screen vibe brings people together.

Jeremy (cont’d):
Even with my kids—sometimes they’ll snuggle up and watch PBS Kids on my phone. It's a tiny screen, but they’ll sit side by side and engage with each other. When we can create those little shared moments, even with tech, that’s a win.

Eden:
Okay, drumroll—I get to hear about the Escape the Dotcom experience, which I’ve been waiting for! I saw it pop up on Facebook, and you didn’t even know this, but I was cheering from afar. It looked amazing—kind of like a weeklong camp? Tell us everything: the age group, what you did, and please tell me you’re doing it again.

Jeremy:
Thank you, Eden! Yeah, it was something I’d been dreaming about for a long time. The goal was to make something practical—where kids who love video games could come into the real world and build life skills.

It was for kids around 13 to 18 years old—teens who enjoy gaming. We did seven different activities over the course of a week, all focused on balanced living. Things like cooking—we had a personal chef teach them how to sauté and make homemade salsa. We made street tacos, did a fitness workshop with a personal trainer, and went to an equine therapy center where they worked with horses and learned how emotional regulation plays a role in communication.

Jeremy (cont’d):
We also went to a place called Group Dynamix for team building—high ropes courses and group strategy challenges. And then we mixed in fun: paintball, axe throwing, woodworking—they got to build their own gaming headset stands. And on the last day, we visited the National Video Game Museum in Frisco, Texas.

Eden:
That is so cool. It’s so thoughtful and creative—and honestly, I haven’t seen anything quite like it.

Jeremy:
Thanks! What was also meaningful was that each day had an underlying theme—we called them "armor pieces," like in a video game. Each experience symbolized a different kind of strength.

For example:

• Doing high ropes = bravery, so they earned a chest plate
  
  

• Equine therapy = mental health, so they earned a helmet
  
  

• Paintball and movement = adventure, so they got pants
  
  

• Cooking and fitness = skill and discipline, so they got gloves
  
  

• Learning the history of games = foundation and future, so they got boots
  
  

At the end of the week, they received a “character build”—a handheld mirror engraved with their name and two character traits we’d observed in them throughout the week, like “adaptable” or “compassionate.” The mirror reflected back the message: The most powerful thing that makes you OP—overpowered—is YOU.

Eden:
Wow. That’s beautiful. And so intentional. Did you get any feedback from the kids?

Jeremy:
Yeah, some of them shared that they really enjoyed it. I haven’t heard from all of them since—it’s something I’d love to follow up on, maybe after a year or so. But during the week, what stood out was that some kids I thought might not be engaged ended up stepping into leadership roles. That was amazing to see.

Jeremy (cont’d):
It felt like we were planting seeds—just like in therapy. You might not see the growth right away, but you know something meaningful has been planted.

Eden:
Absolutely. That’s what it’s about—those experiences that take root and grow over time. Are you planning to do it again?

Jeremy:
Yes! We’re planning to run it again next summer. And we’re working on creating a version for young adults too—maybe ages 19 to mid-twenties, for that post-high school and early college crowd.

Eden:
That’s awesome. I’m so glad to hear that. And I just want to say how grateful I am that you’re doing this kind of work—it’s innovative, thoughtful, and needed. Really, good job.

Jeremy:
Thank you so much, Eden. That means a lot.

Eden:
As we wrap up, do you have any final tips for adults who might realize they’ve slipped into a kind of excessive or addictive screen relationship? Or even for parents who see it in their kids?

Jeremy:
Yes—start with a break. Try a 60- to 90-day break from the specific activity that’s become problematic, whether it’s gaming, social media, or something else.

During that time, intentionally fill that space with something meaningful—something that gives you purpose or joy. That’s key.

After that break, you can reevaluate and create a new relationship with the screen—being intentional, setting boundaries, creating what we call protective factors that support healthy use.

There are also great tools out there—like freedom.to, which helps block distracting sites.

Eden:
That’s great. And I imagine that break period brings up a lot emotionally—especially if people were using screens to cope. What do you recommend for people navigating that emotional surfacing?

Jeremy:
Yeah, the key is to notice and name what’s coming up. Is it anxiety? Boredom? Loneliness? Whatever it is, give yourself space to feel it—and build other strategies to move through it. Talk to someone. Move your body. Create something.

It’s not about white-knuckling your way through. It’s about learning to live in a fuller way—with more connection to yourself and the world around you.

Eden:
That’s such a grounding way to end. Thank you so much, Jeremy. This conversation has been so rich.

Jeremy:
Thanks, Eden. It’s been great to talk with you.

🔗Learn more about Jeremy's work:⁠

Website: http://www.escapingthe.com⁠

Presentations: https://www.escapingthe.com/public-speaking⁠

Articles: https://www.escapingthe.com/blog⁠

Videos: https://www.escapingthe.com/videos⁠